We have come to the end of yet another year… Looking Back…this has been a year of incredibly intense transition for me… I started this year in Costa Rica, the land of Pura Vida, and the begining of my travel bug. In May, after a reallyheavy Spring, I separated from my husband, my best friend, and the only life I had know for the past Six years. The Summer held amazing new friends, reconnecting with old friends and rediscovering a sense of self that had been long lost. I lived by myself in my house in Portland for 6 months before deciding to make the biggest shift of my life. I gave away all of my belongings, moved out of my house and put the beauty on the market.
Now I am living in Port Townsend, waiting for my house to sell which has been really fun, although within connecting with my old friend and making new ones I have found myself in the middle of a non-stop party. I have not only been drinking, but getting drunk every night. Don’t get me wrong it’s been a blast, yet to be honest I have totally strayed from my path.
I haven’t been doing my vocal exercises at all, I have my regular Saturday show at The Water Street pub that isn’tfeeling that great because I haven’t been rehearsing, I have fallen off my spiritual path, onto some muddy side street,
… and then yesterday happened…
I woke up hung over as I have been doing for the last Two months, downed some water and ibuprofen–which has become my life blood–and slowly crawled my way out of bed for my regular morning run…which has become quite irregular. I drove to Ft Worden and started truckin’ my way up the hill. When I reachedthe top of my special little mountain I stopped at the lookout as I usually do. I look to the water, I look to the sun, take some deep breathes and check in with the higher power and my inner spirit. And as they usually do, they tell me “Be quite, be patient, listen, stay on track” and although I hear this everyday I haven’t been listening. Yesterday I was quite frustrated with the way things were going. I have a bit of a broken heart right now, I want my house to sell so that I can leave on my adventure, my mood hasn’t been that great because I have been drinking to much, and I basically told them to “Fuck Off!” I was so pissed I began running down hill really hard! About thirty seconds in I completely blew out my ankle! Even threw my headphones I heard the POP! It was so disgusting! Laying there on the forest floor, I was sure Iwas going to look down and see a bone protruding out of my skin. Thankfully there was no blood or bone. The whole thing happened so fast, I was definitely in some shock. I reached down and my whole ankle was like crunchy jello. I squished it all back together and realized there was nothing for me to do but pull myself up, hobble up then back down the hill to my car. It was quite sad, I have never been in so much pain. My heart was broken and now I thought my ankle was broken too.
I haden’t been able to cry about my broken heart. I had tried many times but it wouldn’t come out…until my ankle released the pain. So there I was sobbing for my heart and my ankle, slowly making my way down the mountain. When my car and I were finally reunited I called the one person I always call when my life is in pain…my mom. Luckily she told me to drive to my sisters house, which for whatever reason hadn’t even crossed my mind. Oh my sweet sweet sister, she let me cry and cry on her shoulder and spent the better part of her day being my nurse…I love that beautiful woman!
After the icing and ibuprofen kicked in, and I was able to get some food in my stomach and slow down, I realized that this injury was probably one of the most incredible blessings I have ever received. I had just hours before, somehow thought it was ok to tell my inner spirit to fuck off. Instead of listening to the directions of my true path I was behaving like a total bitch, fighting what was best and very important for me to do at this point in my life.
…Moving Forward…
So…today is New Years Eve, and I am jumping back onto my path with bright eyes and an open heart. I am not going to drink for at least a week and after that if I decide to start again it will just be here and there, and not the hard stuff, just a little red wine. Being and alcoholic was fun while it lasted, but I’m over it. I am also getting back on track with my eating habits, because drinking all the time makes me not care about what I eat in the night, and slowly but surly over the last Two months I have put on about twenty pounds, which not only feels physically uncomfortable, but does horrible things for a girls self esteem.
I am truly excited about being back on my path. I am only half a day in and already feel so much better. So Happy New Year to everyone! I will most definitely keep you updated on the progress of my healthy path. Send good healing vibes to my sweet little ankle.
!LOVE YOU!
