What a trip…what a ride! I am so thankful today. In the last couple months I have learned an immense amount of information about myself and others, how we all interact with each other, and how there truly is no separation between you and I and them. It’s funny and honestly hard to put it into words. Everyday, and with every new experience I am reminded that I am most definitely on the right path in my life.

    Port Townsend has been treating me so well. I’m living in my cute little trailer, I have ups and downs with boys that are confusing, yet so much fun! People are beautiful, I am lucky enough to be living around my sister and enjoying the unique bond that is only shared between two sisters. This is truly and wholly an amazing place on this earth! Not to mention the fact that it’s also intensely fucking beautiful. Probably two or three times a day I find my self saying… “Hellooo, Beautiful! Welcome to Paradise!”

     I drove down to Portland last weekend–just a quick in and out on my way to visiting my brother– And like always Portland is a beautiful, lovely city. Though I am pretty darn sure that I’m totally done there. I really enjoyed staying with my neighbors, Jen-Jo, Jake and Ellery…Love them! But it felt odd to see my house, to spin my wheels down those streets have driven down so many times before. Not to mention I have never in my life lived somewhere so long, Seven years. And with all the amazing places to experience, I can’t imagine why I would go back there. So…though kind of sad, it actually felt quite relieving to have that clarified… It was a clean and clear “good bye” to Portland.

                                         Well that’s all for now folks. Keep the love alive!

When I think of what makes my life interesting I flash on few things, one of which, being the fact that in a matter of three days everything changes so drastically…and not just here or there, but seriously for the last six weeks…or even six months…every three days! I’m in love, my heart is broken, I’m on top of the world, I’m in the pits of hell, oh wait I’m in love again. I must say it can be hard for me to keep up, let alone the people around me. In-fact just the other day my younger sister gave me a total parental type lecture about the dramatic ups and downs in my life. So I’ve been thinking about it…

How much of a role should consistency and stability play in my life? Is it possible at this point to even adopt those qualities into my day to day experience? And lastly…Can consistency and stability be considered “Qualities”?

If I were to be stream-lined emotionally, there is a possibility I would be cutting myself off from an integral part of my spiritual journey. Now of course, just being an emotional freak is not a good idea either. But I am at a place in my life where I am truly pushing the envelope. Doing and experiencing things that my not be considered safe or “stable”, yet in the long run, will make my life so much richer. I will be able to look back, and possibly have an idea of the reasoning behind conclusions and decisions I have made in my life. On the simplest level (well not so simple)…Boys. In every relationship I enter into, be it a year or a couple of days, I will learn more and more about myself, my likes and dislikes, and what I truly need in a partner. Its like trying on shoes, some are amazingly pretty, yet feel absolutely horrible, some are totally comfortable yet lack any type of sass or complexity. How will I truly know if I haven’t experienced “The Shoe”?

So, I am here saying… I love the dramatic up’s and down’s that I’m experiencing in my life right now. And no… I may not always be smiling, and it may be hard to keep up with. But I think, at the very least, it could be considered entertaining, and definitely not something to be looked upon as a downfall in my personality, quite the contrary in-fact.

The last boy I wrote about… who knows? I still have feelings for him, though he seems a little wrapped up in his own life right now. The boy before him, he is a beautiful human and probably made the right call for both of our spiritual journeys. Port Townsend is still as awesome as ever, and in-fact I just went to Portland for a day, which totally confirmed my love for PT right now, and am truly feeling like I might never move back to that town. I have not for a moment had any regrets about giving all my things away. My spiritual journey continues in reading this book called “A course in miracles’ that my step dad loaned to me…awe perfect coincidences. And above all I must say I am proud of myself for taking these courageous steps in my life, and truly thankful that my Mom has been my biggest supporter ever..God I love her!

    So as you all may have read in my last entry…sadly I have been a little heart broken over a man who doesn’t deserve my energy,or affections, for he has not stepped up to the plate at all…in fact has quite clearly has stepped away from the plate, thrown down his bat, removed his uniform and left the field. In all fairness, I must say he is a lovely person, though not only as a lover, but as a friend as well, he has let me down time after time, so…bye-bye to that guy!

    Now as anyone who has had, has, or can imagine having a broken heart, must know it can be quite difficult to move on. Thus I have spent the last month of my life feeling “oh so sad” for myself. Trying, yet not finding a way to get over my feeling of foolishness in the realm of love.

    Luckily, one can not stay sad forever! That silly boy, was not the only boy in the world, worthy of my affections–thank God–and enter stage right, my new love interest…

   OK… maybe not so much of a “Love” interest, more like someone I can have an awesome experience with, including: Laughing…a lot, Movie watching, Some kickin’ Eighties dancing, Some good lovin’, and if I’m lucky maybe he’ll even get me back out on a surfboard for the first time in over 15 years.

                                                             ~ And we keep on rockin’~