When I think of what makes my life interesting I flash on few things, one of which, being the fact that in a matter of three days everything changes so drastically…and not just here or there, but seriously for the last six weeks…or even six months…every three days! I’m in love, my heart is broken, I’m on top of the world, I’m in the pits of hell, oh wait I’m in love again. I must say it can be hard for me to keep up, let alone the people around me. In-fact just the other day my younger sister gave me a total parental type lecture about the dramatic ups and downs in my life. So I’ve been thinking about it…
How much of a role should consistency and stability play in my life? Is it possible at this point to even adopt those qualities into my day to day experience? And lastly…Can consistency and stability be considered “Qualities”?
If I were to be stream-lined emotionally, there is a possibility I would be cutting myself off from an integral part of my spiritual journey. Now of course, just being an emotional freak is not a good idea either. But I am at a place in my life where I am truly pushing the envelope. Doing and experiencing things that my not be considered safe or “stable”, yet in the long run, will make my life so much richer. I will be able to look back, and possibly have an idea of the reasoning behind conclusions and decisions I have made in my life. On the simplest level (well not so simple)…Boys. In every relationship I enter into, be it a year or a couple of days, I will learn more and more about myself, my likes and dislikes, and what I truly need in a partner. Its like trying on shoes, some are amazingly pretty, yet feel absolutely horrible, some are totally comfortable yet lack any type of sass or complexity. How will I truly know if I haven’t experienced “The Shoe”?
So, I am here saying… I love the dramatic up’s and down’s that I’m experiencing in my life right now. And no… I may not always be smiling, and it may be hard to keep up with. But I think, at the very least, it could be considered entertaining, and definitely not something to be looked upon as a downfall in my personality, quite the contrary in-fact.
The last boy I wrote about… who knows? I still have feelings for him, though he seems a little wrapped up in his own life right now. The boy before him, he is a beautiful human and probably made the right call for both of our spiritual journeys. Port Townsend is still as awesome as ever, and in-fact I just went to Portland for a day, which totally confirmed my love for PT right now, and am truly feeling like I might never move back to that town. I have not for a moment had any regrets about giving all my things away. My spiritual journey continues in reading this book called “A course in miracles’ that my step dad loaned to me…awe perfect coincidences. And above all I must say I am proud of myself for taking these courageous steps in my life, and truly thankful that my Mom has been my biggest supporter ever..God I love her!
